


Cracked

by livvy1843



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Derek Morgan, Drug Addiction, Gay Spencer Reid, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Unrequited Love, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:02:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28139622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livvy1843/pseuds/livvy1843
Summary: All Spencer wanted was for Derek to save him.Turns out he's too broken to be saved.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, sort of - Relationship
Comments: 8
Kudos: 37





	Cracked

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm back. College has been kicking my ass this semester so for everyone waiting for a coming of age update, it's coming! Don't worry!
> 
> Note: This takes place after Gideon left and before Rossi came 

It was cold for Virginia. 

Even during the winter it rarely surpassed 20 degrees, but today you could see icicles forming on the dead limbs of trees and hardened tears on every person that came and went past the small diner on third. 

He let his head hang for a moment, letting the blood in his body rush down, warming his frostbitten skin. Closing his eyes, he laughed. 

_ How the hell did his life end up this way?  _

Spencer Reid, a child prodigy with the brightest of futures, who blew away all his teachers, who got into the FBI even with all odds against him, was now nothing more than a junkie fucking strangers for his next fix. 

* * *

He arrived home at around one in the morning and immediately passed out on the couch. His customer had not been the most gentle and he knew he had some tearing he had to treat. However, he was just too tired and could do it in the morning, it’s not like he had anywhere to be. Not since Hotch invited him up to his office and told him oh so carefully that he was too much of a  _ liability.  _

Hotch was such a strong man, the kind of man you were supposed to be. Not like Spencer, no, not at all like Spencer. But in that second, ever so briefly, on that rainy October day, Spencer swore he could tears in Hotch’s eyes. 

He remembers how Hotch walked him out of the office. How right before they reached the exit, Garcia grabbed Spencer and hugged him like her life depended on it. 

_ “You’re gonna get better Spencer. Alright? You’re gonna get better then come back and my team of crime fighters can be reunited. Ok baby? You’re gonna get better for me”  _

Spencer said nothing. He glanced up to JJ and Emily who were up on the walkway above the bullpen, trying their best to distance themself from the reality of the situation. 

_ That Spencer Reid, the little innocent Spencer Reid. The Spencer Reid who didn’t know what Twilight was, had just been fired because of a heroin addiction.  _

As the metal doors shut and Spencer stood in that elevator for what he knew would be the last time, he tried to not think about his  friends  ex-coworkers _ ,  _ but more importantly, he tried to not think about Derek, and how he couldn’t even be bothered to show up to see him one last time. 

The things he would do to see him one last time.

* * *

Spencer crouched down on the toilet, awkwardly trying to rub healing cream on his rear. His bathroom was a mess, you could hardly see the chipped black and white tile underneath all the dirty clothes and spilled makeup. He had about an hour to kill before it got dark again and he could go back out searching for clients. He needed about five hundred more if he wanted to keep the power on this month, and another three hundred if he wanted to get the good stuff this week. 

_ That should do it  _

Letting out a placated sigh, Spencer slid off the toilet and stood up to leave the tiny room, but not before catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror. 

He was skinny, skinnier than usual. His ribs were showing and his once pale skin was marred with bruises from unsatisfied customers. Cracked pink nail polish lay on his nails accompanying the dried purple glitter on his eyelids. 

Spencer took a quick breath, attempting to stop the warm droplets forming in his eyes. 

_ Derek was right  _

Spencer grabbed a jacket and jeans before running out of his shoebox apartment, slamming the door behind him. 

* * *

He teetered at the end of the sidewalk, seeing how long he could stay balanced. Just like when he was a little kid, dreaming about being a tightrope walker. When he was a little kid, before everything fell apart. 

A dark car pulled up taking him out of his thoughts, and before he knew it he was grabbing the roof, “Hey you up for something?”

“Why else would I be in this crap neighborhood?” 

“Three hundred for full out, One fifty for head.” 

“I’ll give you two-fifty for full, now get in.” 

“Deal.” 

Spencer jumped onto the leather seats and shut the door before looking over to his newest partner. The man looked exactly like Derek. 

* * *

They arrived at the motel a couple of minutes later, checking in and getting a small room. They walked in and immediately the man shoved Spencer onto the cheap mattress. 

“Hey! You ever heard of foreplay.” Spencer remarked sarcastically. 

“Shut up and take off your pants.”

“Getting right into things I see.” 

“I have no interest in wooing a whore.” 

He may have had the physique of Derek but his eyes weren’t soft like his. When he looked into them he didn’t see the man who would pet his hair when he had a bad day or talk to him when he was feeling down. All he saw was the man who left when he told him he loved him. 

A finger probed at his hole, lubed with nothing but generic lotion from the bathroom and Spencer imagined it was Derek’s finger. That Derek’s finger was currently the one entering him, not a random man’s he met twenty minutes ago. That when he told Derek that he was his world, that he laid him down on satin sheets and made love to him, instead of telling him that he was only saying these things because he was sick. 

Soon, he felt the man’s cock slowly work itself inside him and Spencer gasped. He wished he didn’t enjoy this. He wasn’t supposed to enjoy this. He was supposed to be doing this with the man he loved. He was supposed to be doing this with Derek. 

Derek wasn’t supposed to leave. 

_ “Where the hell have you been?!” Derek shouted from across the hotel room. They had been on a case in Minnesota. A man had been on a rampage killing little boys.  _

_ “I went to interview the witness.”  _

_ “And you didn’t get back until eleven pm?” _

_ “Yes, Morgan. Not that it is any of your bus..busi...business,” Spencer slurred “but Mrs. Gregory and I had a very long and helpful talk.”  _

_ “Really Spencer?!” Derek walked closer to where Spencer was lying on the bed, “Because I called Mrs. Gregory and she said you left around seven so do you want to tell me what’s going on.”  _

_ “No.” Spencer popped the syllables with his tongue, laughing to himself about Derek’s reaction. _

_ “Well you know what? I think you’re high right now. Actually–scratch that. I know you’re high, and let me tell you. Everyone knows you are too. I’m the only reason why Hotch hasn’t fired you yet, because I keep on standing up for you dammit!” Derek yelled at Spencer, tears falling from his chocolate orbs.  _

_ Spencer suddenly sprang off the bed, “Derek. Please don’t do this. I can’t lose my job. It’s all I have! Please Derek! Please!”  _

_ “I can’t keep protecting you anymore, you need help. I thought you would fight this but I was wrong. You need help, pretty boy.”  _

_ “I love you Derek! You don’t understand! I love you!”  _

_ Derek sighed, “You know? I used to really think you did, but I think I was blindsided by all the love I had for you. I used to want to be in a relationship with you someday, but now I see you can’t care about anyone but yourself.” _

_ “Derek that’s not true! Derek come back!”  _

_ Derek shut the door. Two days later Spencer gathered his things from his desk and drove away from Quantico for the last time.  _

* * *

The man threw out his condom, grabbed his briefcase and left. 

Spencer stayed lying down naked on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

The cracked, broken ceiling. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and review if possible! Thanks! 
> 
> Come follow me on tumblr @heavenlydevil


End file.
